The Doobie Commandments

Bible card and joint courtesy of Wikimedia Commons (Providence Lithograph Company and Raihan Rana)
  1. If you’re in my house, you’ll smoke my weed. (Unless you have something I just have to try.)
  2. If you have a cold, or you feel one coming on, say something for garsh sakes. I’ll load up your own pipe, roll you your own doobie, whatever, I don’t care, just don’t pass on your cold.
  3. If we’re smoking a doobie, and you’re telling a story, stop talking, take a hit, pass it on, and finish your story. Don’t sit there talking, waving the joint around like a conductor leading an orchestra.
  4. If someone has the decency to follow rule #3, don’t be a dick and start a different conversation while the storyteller is taking a hit.
  5. Don’t announce that “this is cashed,” and dump out a bowl just because you want to try something else. Weed is cashed when it’s ashed. In case you’re wondering, ash is grey.
  6. If you turn a doobie into a wet mess, just apologize; it’s OK as you long as you take responsibility.
  7. A joint doesn’t need to have the ash tapped off every time it’s passed. Stop screwing around; hit it, and pass it on.
  8. If you spill bong-water, you’re a putz. Your best bet is to clean it up and beg forgiveness.
  9. If you’re already plenty high, no shame in saying, ”No más.”
  10. Respect my dog. He is second-in-command.

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